I’m a walking stereotype. I love my shoes. The only problem with that is how hard it is to get rid of them when it’s time. Even typing “get rid of them” makes me feel bad. But I have to, there is only so much space in my home and I just don’t wear many of them anymore (aka they need to make room for new ones…). This tension causes me to procrastinate a great deal and what could a simple to do becomes a constant nuisance.
In an attempt to resolve the issue, I’m trying to figure out ways to encourage my illogical brain to get rid of some of them. I did a major clean up last year before I moved to the new house where I gave away 22+ pairs of shoes, but big events like moving to a new place don’t happen everyday. This time I’m attempting something new: I’m taking a picture and writing a blurb about each one of them. Then they can go on their merry way and I’ll have a memento if I ever miss them (which rarely happens, but I suspect is one of the reasons why this is challenging).
So here goes (a lot!):
The Cruella DeVils – You always got all the attention you wanted. I will miss you my beauties, but you have seen more glamorous days and I’m just not as evil as I once was. Besides, I have cats now, it wouldn’t work.
The 375s – In these days of over saturation an 80’s/90’s revival, nobody can really comprehend the awesomeness of owning your first pair of red shoes. I think you came with me to every concert I attended for a full decade. We danced like crazy. You rock.
The Militant – You were always too large for me, but that didn’t stop us from being chased down by cops down rua Maria Antonia on my college days. We’ve been to raves together — and every time I wondered why I was wearing heels in a pasture in the middle of nowhere.
The MoMAs – You were once an exhibit at the NY MoMA, not the most common thing in the life of a pair of sneakers. My obsession with Acupuncture shoes started with you (and I’ve enjoyed every one of your brothers as well). Every single time I wore you somebody complimented me on your beauty. Thank you for the good times.
The Informals – We’ve been together for 15 years. That’s crazy. You need to move on. I need to move on. Don’t worry, I’ll never forget you. Every time I see a pair of shoes with spool heels in voluptuous dark green suede I’ll think of you.
The Yellow Adidas – Your yellow lip really annoys me. Goodbye.
The #1 Open Toes – I have always hated open toe shoes, until you came along. You opened the world to me for new possibilities and I thank you for that. But you are literally falling apart. I’m sending you to a shoe farm upstate where you’ll be very happy.
The Futsal – None are as hard to say goodbye then you my dearest. We scored together many a game, but it’s time I face the truth: I haven’t played in over 10 years and I don’t know that I have ever seen a futsal court in the US.
The Workaholics – The most comfortable heels of all time. I have worked you hard — I’m surprised you still look this decent — Going from meeting to meeting. running across buildings. In the rain even! You made me look good never reminding me I was wearing you.
The Lacostes – You are so frigging comfortable I am having a really hard time letting you go, but I’ve beat you up real bad lately. Besides, you’re really short and makes me drag my jeans to the floor. Not cool.
The Others – Let’s face it: I never really liked you. When I’m with you it’s like I’m trying to be somebody else. This is what’s best for both of us. I am sure somebody will love you very much.
The Roos – You are pretty and light as a feather but what was I thinking? You’re half a size too small. Of course, I only remember that after we’ve been walking for two hours so I curse you every time. Sorry about that.
The Ice Princess – How cool is it to have ice-colored shoes? Very, I say. Your amazing height made my legs look fantastic. My wife thanks you very much.
The Black Adidas – I think I’m so fly wearing skater shoes. The truth is, I just look silly. You are not comfortable and I don’t look good on you. You are not helping me grow up either. One of us needs to go.
The Faux Maga Patologica – I bought you and your brother black on the same day. He reminded me of the shoes Magica De Spell (Maga Patologica in Brazil) wore in DuckTales. You never lived up to it (though you were always super comfortable).
The Red Adidas – I have to share a secret: I only bought you so the 375s wouldn’t get old too quickly. I know, I’m sorry. But you know what, you don’t get old! I have taken you off road and into the water and look at you! Unfortunately I can’t remember the last time we were together and I really need the closet space.
The Workaholics #2: Your beauty faded as fast as I walked on you. Sorry for the abuse.
Now to visit Goodwill… Goodbye all of you!